2 notes
4 / 4 / 2012 @ 23:22

Kayden

I walked Charlie to the door, wrapped my arms around her and whispered thanks for staying with me. Charlie simply smiled and started walking down towards the elevator without one word, that’s what made our friendship click so good she just knew when I needed someone and knew when I didn’t. I locked the door and walked over to the couch where Drake was laying leaving just enough room for me to slide in right beside him.

“What was wrong baby?” He said softly into my ear while moving a strand of my hair out of my face.

“Just built up emotions that I needed to get out, all better now though.” I turned to him and smiled but I knew that the answer I had given wasn’t the one he was seeking. He grabbed the remote and put it on some crappy TV movie. I picked the remote back up and turned it off, something was wrong and I wanted to know what.

“What is it Drake?”

“Nothing.”

“Aubrey, don’t play around what is wrong?” I said pushing myself up into the sitting position

“I hurt you Kayden, I left you and did shit that I promised I wouldn’t do and I now have to live with that knowing what I did.”

I sat there for a minute because in reality I didn’t know what to say, he was right he did put me through hell and make me upset but I chose to forgive him and to move on, with moving on comes letting go.

“I don’t want you to think about that anymore okay? People make mistakes, it doesn’t matter how big of a mistake you make as long as you try to fix it.” I laid back down and pressed myself tightly up against him.

In that moment for some reason I thought of Malik and everything that was going on with him and I, I never really ended it. We hadn’t talked in a week or so but he was used to be disappearing for a bit. I got up and started walking towards my bedroom. This morning proved who I was supposed to be with, who really would take care of me and that was Drake. I walked out of my room in sweats and a sweater and started to head towards the door.

“Where the fuck are you going? You can’t just get up like that.” He joked trying to make a puppy dog face but failing miserably.

“I have to take care of some ish but I will be back real soon.”

Charlie

I didn’t even bother to message Isabella back; I figured why would I do that when she hasn’t even been there for me throughout this whole process of planning the wedding. I pulled into our drive way and was more than ecstatic when I slid my key into my lock. All I could think about was going to sleep forever, lying in Chris’s arms and never moving ever again.

I walked in to see Chris sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, I instantly got this sinking feeling in my gut and I didn’t know exactly what was going on but I knew it wasn’t good news. The minute the door shut he stood up looking at me waiting for me to come over. He was nervous I could tell by the way his hands just kept searching for something, anything to do.

“What’s going on Chris?” I asked bracing myself for the worst.

My first thought was he was leaving me, I scanned the area for any indication he was taking off. There were no suitcases or bags in site, I felt my body relax a little but I was still worried.

“Babe sit.” He said with his expression not changing one bit.

I sat down studying his every move while he sat right beside me. My heart was in my stomach, I didn’t think I could continue to breathe for much longer either.

“Listen, this might upset you. I don’t know how to tell you this but I got a job, a really good one. I know I just opened up my business and everything but I could hand that off to Drake for a bit while I do this work.”

“Why would this news upset me Chris?”

“Because, the job is in Atlanta we would have to move.”

I sat there in shock for a minute; my brain was trying to process what was being said to me. I just got my best friend back, my life was just coming together and now I would have to pick it all up and leave? Just move away from everything I have grown to love.

“The wedding?”

“If I take this job baby we can get married even faster, bigger. I can give you what you deserve which is the best. I have a week to decide, I would be there for a year and you don’t have to come if you don’t want we could do long distance.”

“Atlanta Chris? Really? Obviously if you were going I would be coming with you.”

I got up from the couch and I could feel the blank stare that was plastered on my face. I could also feel him staring at me trying to read how I felt about the whole situation. I was proud of him, obviously but I also didn’t want to leave a place I was just getting used to calling home. Marco was here now and Kayden was on the path to becoming herself again. I walked towards our room not saying a word, my mind was scrabbled, I had one week to decide his fate. He was leaving this up to me and I really wish he wasn’t.

Kayden

I walked up to his house and knocked on the door, there really wasn’t much to say other than the fact that it was over and this, whatever it was just wasn’t what I needed. He opened the door looking better than he did the last time I saw him which I didn’t think was humanly possible.

“Well well well, look who we have here. Do I know you?”

“Shut up!” I said pushing past him and walking straight for my spot on the couch.

“So why am I so honored to be graced with your presence?”

“We need to talk.” My voice trailed off towards the end and suddenly emotions I didn’t even know were there started seeping through making this harder than I thought it would be.

“Oh?” He said raising an eyebrow and moving closer to me. “About?”

“This, whatever this is.” I looked up from the spot on the floor where I had locked my gaze only to see him sitting even closer than before. My heart started beating, I didn’t know if I could do this. Everything in me started to yearn for him to be touching me.

He licked his lips then leaned back placing one hand onto my thigh. “Aight, what’s up?”  

2 notes
5 / 3 / 2012 @ 14:24

Kayden

I woke up in a daze, pushing myself up from my bed I looked to my right only to see Charlie lying next to me. There were candy wrappers and an empty pizza box on the floor along with a huge wine bottle and two empty wine glasses. I picked up my phone and rubbed my eyes trying to get them to focus enough so I could read the time.

10:57 am

I threw myself backwards onto my pillow and laid there just staring at the ceiling, thank god it was Saturday and I had no plans. I wanted more than anything to fall back asleep but my body just wouldn’t allow it, so I laid there staring at the crisp white ceiling thinking about absolutely nothing. A sweet aroma drifted into the air which reminded my stomach that it was hungry and that I needed food. I used my arms to push myself out of bed, hopped down and looked into the full length mirror positioned in the corner of my room.

I look like I partied all night long when in reality I was up all night crying and letting go of feelings that should have been gone a long time ago. It was the drunken heart to heart I should have had when Mike and I first ended but didn’t.

Why do you always have to be strong Kayden?

I could hear ringing in my head as I looked at myself in the mirror. I always felt the need to have to be strong, never show any emotions because emotions were a sign of weakness. I bottled it up until I broke and last night was my breaking point. I pushed my feet into my slippers and walked out of my room down the hallway and into the kitchen.

There he was standing there flipping pancakes with fresh fruit, eggs and bacon already set onto the table. After everything I had done, after all the shit we had been through he was there. Drake didn’t ask questions the whole time I was going through my Mike bullshit, only gave me space. I leaned against the wall and watched him for a minute just cooking away. I had the perfect man right in front of me but I let all my issues get in the way of us being happy.

“Morning Sleeping beauty.” He joked flashing that smile that made time stop and my heart race. I hadn’t felt that in a while, it felt good.

“Morning, if I am sleeping beauty then you’re prince charming?”

“I am whoever you want me to be.” He pulled out my chair for me and placed a plate in front of me loaded with all my favorites. I stood up placing both hands onto either side of his face and looking him in the eyes.

“I love you, Thank you.” He kissed me softly; it was one of the softest kisses I had ever felt. It was perfection hitting my lips and melting into my soul. It was almost like he was telling me we were going to be okay now with his kiss. I felt weak and at peace.

“You need to start telling me what is wrong Kay; I don’t like seeing you upset and not knowing why.”

He pulled me into his chest hugging me tighter than I have ever been hugged before, as if if he were to let go I would disappear forever.

“I will tell you everything when Charlie leaves, I promise.”

Drake

I woke up that morning and got right to work making breakfast for the girls. I knew they would wake up hung over and hungry so I made all of Kayden’s favourites and snuck a few of Charlie’s in too. It was a rough night, I heard the door and heard Kayden yelling for me to go and answer it but I figured whoever it was for her. I turned my music down when I heard the loud cries from a female echo through the hallway.

Curious I peeked my head through the door only to see Kayden collapsed in Charlie’s arms. It was a rare sight lately to see Kayden shed a tear let alone break down. That is one thing I noticed about Kayden as soon as I got back, she was stronger. Before she would cry at the drop of a hat, she wasn’t weak just very emotional about everything. When I came back though it was different, she was cold and more distant towards people. Almost as if she had no emotions, she was ruthless now and told you exactly how she felt without holding back. Apart of me wasn’t too into it but another part of me was proud she wasn’t going to let anyone walk all over her anymore.

“Is she aight?” I asked Charlie as she walked away from the door with the pizza box and second wine bottle in her hand. Her eyes were big and bright with a hint of sorrow and worry.

“Yeah, I mean she has been through a lot. This isn’t just about Mike, it’s about everything.”

My heart sunk into the pit of my stomach because even though Charlie didn’t say it I knew that part of Kayden’s hurt was due to my using and running away.

“How can I help?”

“Honestly Drake, she just really needs to cry it all out to feel better. She has been strong for too long.”

With that Charlie walked into Kayden’s room and shut the door behind her, throughout the night I heard a mix of giggles and cries that would make you think someone was being murdered. She had been through a lot, picked herself up every single time and still kept going. She was strong for everyone all the time her mother, me, her brother, Charlie. If she was so busy being strong for everyone else though, who was going to help her?

I walked back into my room threw my headphones into my ears and zoned out to some music. The worst feeling in the entire world has to be watching someone you love so much be in the worst pain ever and not being able to do anything about it. I laid there in that exact spot until the music drowned out all my thoughts and my mind finally allowed me to go to sleep.

Charlie                

I woke up to an empty bed and a pounding headache, I felt like I was dying or at least seriously ill. I took a deep breath in to smell something absolutely amazing coming from the kitchen. I pushed myself up into the sitting position and crossed my legs stretching my hands up towards the ceiling as I felt every muscle in my back relax and bone crack. My phone was flashing and I was assuming it would be Chris wondering how everything went with Kayden.

Last I talked to him I was pretty drunk trying to explain that I was at Kayden’s condo because she was an emotional wreck, he said Drake had let him know and that he would see me in the morning. I looked at my phone which read that I had 5 missed calls.

Why would he be calling so many times?

I checked the call log to see who it was and it wasn’t Chris. I then checked my texts; I had a bunch from Isabella.

Isabella and I still talked from time to time but we all seemed to part ways once I got engaged and Kayden had to deal with Drake and his drugs. Isabella didn’t really have a male in her life, she hadn’t for a while and you could tell it was getting to her. I think that was part of the reason we drifted apart I needed someone who would be excited about the wedding and to me she just seemed depressed about it.

“I know we haven’t talked in a while and I tried getting a hold of Kayden too but I really need you guys, call as soon as you can?”

I didn’t really know how to take the text or even what it could be about; I pushed it to the back of my mind and walked towards the door. My main priorities right now were making sure Kayden was okay and getting food into my body.

2 notes
18 / 2 / 2012 @ 12:20

Charlie

“Mmm, I think I like the chocolate cake.” I said wiping the crumbs off of Chris’s chin and smiling at him. No matter how many times I repeated it in my head I couldn’t help but be in disbelief that I was going to get married. We had planned on waiting for a while but were doing small wedding things here and there just to get an idea of what we wanted.

I felt like I was on cloud nine and had felt this way ever since he slipped that ring onto my finger and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. Life was going perfect, better than perfect even. If you would have asked me if I thought in a million years I would have been getting married to Chris my answer would have been yes. I always knew there was something there between us, I just never knew if it would grow into anything. After looking at designs and tasting a million different flavors with a billion different icing options we exited the bakery hand in hand and walked over to Chris’s car.

The ride home was quiet and peaceful, that was one thing I loved we could share a moment of silence without it being awkward. I reached over and grabbed his free hand while offering him a smile before gazing out the window at the sunlight that seemed to ever so lightly dance around the trees and make everything shine. This feeling of complete happiness is something I never felt before and I was ecstatic, until I realized I couldn’t share it with the one person who meant the most to me.

Kayden and I had drifted, I was busy with work and wedding stuff and she was busy with her business and whatever drama she had going on in her love life. I tried really hard to stay in touch only to end up failing in the end. I rummaged through my purse pulling out my phone and scrolling through the numbers, these moments were the moments I was supposed to share with the one person who knew me the best. I glanced up at the side walk for a slight moment debating on whether or not I should text her when I saw someone who looked strangely familiar.

“Stop the car!” I yelled louder than I meant to forcing Chris to slam down on his brakes.

“What the fuck Char? The fuck is the matter with you?”

Without saying another word I jumped out of the car and walked over to the man I saw strolling down the side walk.

It couldn’t be.

I thought to myself as I squinted my eyes together examining his every move.

“Marco is that you?” I called out a foot behind the man who had his back turned to me.

“Well fuck me sideways, Charlie?!”

For a second we both just stood there frozen and then I jumped up wrapping my hands around his neck and my legs around his waist.

“I miss you Marky.” I finally let out with a deep sigh.

“Oh god Charms, I missed you too!”

Marco

Seeing Charlie was great, she looked amazing and found herself a yummy little boy to put a nice sized ring on her finger, I was proud. Chris seemed like a pretty chill person, at least after we explained why his fiancé was straddling me in the middle of the side walk. Charlie, Kayden and I all grew up together back home in Toronto. Although Charlie and I weren’t as close we did bond and share very special moments.

We went over to the closest coffee shop and began to update each other on life and all the experiences we have had. I could see the expression on her face change the moment all the exciting stuff was out of the way.

“How’s Kayden?” She asked so softly I barely heard her.

“Mike tried contacting her, she is going through a rough time and I don’t think the guy she is seeing plus the Drake drama is helping either.”

“Leave it to Kayden to get caught in a love triangle.”

We both giggled and that is when our eyes met.

“I miss her Marky, the old happy fun loving Kayden.”

“She’s broken baby, Mike hurt her really bad and I don’t think she has allowed herself to get over it yet. She has always been the strongest out of all of us, I don’t think she knows how to just let herself cry and be weak. I don’t think she knows how to allow herself to heal.”

I saw as Charlie started to frown and looked down at her phone and then back up at me.

“Text her Charms, You need her for this wedding and she needs you to help her find her happiness again. Giving her space never helped her; it always just made matters worse.”

I reached across the table and grabbed Charlie’s hand. I missed her, I missed all of us and how free and wild we used to be. Thinking of us back in high school got me to thinking about the reason I came here, the reason I was running and never going back.

“Charms, I have to go and sign things for my new apartment.” I said getting up and grabbing my jacket.

“Just text her, you won’t regret it I swear!” I didn’t even give her a chance to say goodbye before running out the door.

I needed to get my shit together, I needed to start my new life and the sooner I did that the better.

Kayden

I had just got back from the office and was lying on the couch in my sweats and an old sweater my mom always used to wear. I was flicking through the channels; I finally put it on some wedding planning show only to doze off minutes into it.

I awoke to a knock at the door, confused as to who it might be I laid there hoping whoever it was would just go away. I didn’t want to see anyone, at least not right now.

“Drake can you get the door?” I hollered.

“Drake?” I yelled again only to get no reply, I knew he was home I could hear his music playing.

“Stupid fucking idiot with his music so fucking loud he can’t fucking hear me. Can’t even come answer the damn door.” I mumbled under my breath as I walked over to the door.

“Charlie? What are you doing here?”

“I miss my best friend, my old one. The happy one who smiled all the time and was always cracking jokes, where did she go Kayden?”

“I am right here Charlie what are you talking about?”

“No this isn’t you; Kayden would have called me every day to check up on the wedding. Kayden would have been to every single dress store and cake testing with me just for the fun of it. You aren’t Kayden, who are you?”

The whole situation caught me off guard, her standing here at my door calling me out for being miserable. Which I was, I was miserable. Not because my life was horrible but because I just drove myself into misery, all just for him.

I looked up from the floor to meet her gaze and I could feel the hot tears forming under my eyes but this time instead of stopping myself I allowed them to fall. The tears of frustration and hurt and anger all came pouring out of me.

“I just don’t want to love him anymore Char, I just don’t want it to hurt anymore. I want him to stop hurting me.”

She wrapped her arms around me and we stood in the doorway just like that. Her holding me and me crying letting out everything I just tried to bury deep down and forget about.

“It will stop hurting; it will stop hurting with time.” 

3 notes
16 / 1 / 2012 @ 22:49

Kayden

It had been a few days since the phone call and I was a wreck, I didn’t want to be around anyone. I barely talked to Drake at all. For two people who were living together we had become strangers all over again and I only talked to Malik because he took my mind off the situation, at least when we were together. I was depressed and I knew I was, I worked and came home like a robot. Like I was programmed only to do the same routine over and over again. I couldn’t explain my feelings to anyone because I felt no one would understand. So instead of letting anyone in on what I was going through I shut down, shut down just like I did when I saw that positive flash across the screen and felt my whole life all my hopes and dreams fade to nothing. I shut down just like I did when he told me he wouldn’t stay, that he didn’t believe it was his baby, that this was my fault.

Lying in bed I heard the sweet melody of a slow jam floating through the air when I realize it was coming from my phone. The same number that drove me to this down ward spiral into this state of utter depression was flashing across my screen. He was calling me again, and he kept calling until I finally picked up.

***

What did he want?

Burned in my mind before finally picking up the phone, I didn’t even speak no hello or greeting of any kind, I just waited for him to say something.

“Hey Kayden.”

His voice sounded so insincere or maybe it was just me, before if he would have called I would have asked him to come over so we could work things out but now, now I felt nothing but pure disgust towards him. Like as if he was Satan himself coming to collect for my soul. I wanted nothing to do with him, I wanted to pretend he didn’t even exist or better yet, I didn’t even want him to exist at all.

“What do you want?”

“To say sorry, let me make it up to you.”

“How?”

“Coffee?”

“When?”

“Friday at 7, right after work we can meet up and go from there.”

“Go from there?”

“Well yeah grab a coffee and then go for a walk or head back to your place.”

I felt sick, to my stomach the moment those words left his lips.

He never loved you Kayden, not even for a moment.

That is when it hit me I was nothing, absolutely nothing to him. To not care about your spouse is one thing, to not care about your unborn child is worse. To try to get back with someone you treated like scum, is something you should be ashamed of.

I said nothing, just sat there in shock soaking up the bullshit that left his lips and floated into my ear. Every word, every lie, he knew what he was doing. It was the first game of the season and he was running a play on me like he always did. Little did he know the rules of the game had changed.

“I fucking hate you.” I spat out not even realizing the words had come out so harsh and raw until I heard them myself.

“What? What are you talking about Kayden what’s wrong?”

“You think you can just do it all over again don’t you? Sweet talk me, give me that bullshit you always do make me believe your lies get with me for a bit and then leave. Because that is all you are good at Michael is leaving. Fuck you, I fucking hate you.” I was letting it all out, the hurt, and the anger. I let everything out that I had bottled up for a whole year and it felt so good.

“You didn’t think twice about leaving me when you thought I was carrying your child and you wouldn’t think twice again. This whole I want to be friends thing is bullshit and I know it, I’m not her anymore Mike. That girl who was hopelessly in love with you, the one who gave up and fucked up everything just to make you happy, she’s gone.”

I paused to see if he would respond with anything but instead all I heard was his quiet breaths on the other line.

“I will not mess up friendships with people who care about me for you anymore and I will not fight with my family to be with you anymore. I am so much better than this and I don’t know why it took me so long to realize. I forgive you, for everything you did I forgive you. Now it is time for me to forget you, forever.”

He said nothing, just sat there. I believe cause there was nothing to say, it was done I had called him out on his bullshit and there was nothing he could do to change what just happened. I sat there for a few more minutes waiting for a response only to get nothing.

“I thought so, have a nice life Michael.”

With that I hung up the phone and rolled over to face my window. She was finally dead and gone, I could let that part of my life go and start not only a whole new chapter but a whole new book. As the sun peaked through the blinds hitting my face I smiled.

Rest in peace to the girl you used to know.

Drake

I basically lived on my own, Marco was always out working and looking for apartments and Kayden lived in her room. I didn’t know what had gotten into her but she was starting to scare me. I walked past her room one night only to hear sobs escaping the bottom of her door and lightly drifting down the hallway.

She was depressed, about what I had no idea. I wanted to help her more than anything but she wouldn’t budge she wouldn’t even talk to anyone. I didn’t know what to do and where to turn so I was convinced she was just going to waste herself away to nothing.

When I saw her leave her room and walk into the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal I was shocked but happy. She sat down at the table and just looked out the kitchen window, zoning at absolutely nothing.

“Morning sweeties, I have great news!”

I watched as she slowly moved her head in the direction of Marco’s voice, not even changing her expression one bit.

“I am moving out in a week isn’t that great! I found this cute little place and it works perfect for my new job.”

Marco continued to talk about shit I really didn’t care about, my stare was locked on her and her only. As I studied her every movement I tried so hard to figure out what was wrong, what had happened to make her so cold and distant. Was it me? Was it something I did?

Whatever it was it was bugging me out and making me think we were never going to go back to what we were, we weren’t even anywhere close. A few days prior I started searching for apartments. In all honesty a part of me was giving up and losing hope, maybe it was just time for us to go our separate ways; maybe she just wasn’t the girl I used to know.